Listen, don’t waste your time down at the surgery,’ Renaldo replies.
There’s a new diagnostic computer at Pick ‘n Pay’s Pharmacy.
Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs only fifty rand…..a lot quicker and better than a doctor – and you get Club card points.’
So Vito collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Pick ‘n Pay. He deposits fifty rand; the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Vito began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixes some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife, his daughter and the cat, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure.
Vito hurries bac k to Pick ‘n Pay, eager to check what would happen. He deposits his fifty rand, pours in his concoction, and awaits for the results.
The computer prints the following:
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (aisle 7).
2) Your cat’s having kittens. Get a vet.
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (aisle 3).
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don’t stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping at Pick ‘n Pay. Remember, we’re on your side!